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When I say I hate being a Mom, this is what I mean.

May 14, 2019

I used to be an elementary school teacher and ed-tech consultant; now I'm a mom of twins and aspiring children's book author.

This blog is a place for me to write about personal life experiences, gleanings from books I've recently read, past and current DIY projects, and reflective thoughts that need a home outside my heart. Here at HeartEyes, I am opening my heart and eyes to yet another new chapter of my life, and my hope is that by joining me here, your heart and eyes would be opened to a more thoughtful and intentional life.

Hi, i'm tiff!

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In light of this past Mother’s Day and while there is much to celebrate in terms of all types of mothers, I feel there is one category of Moms that always gets left out – the Moms who don’t love being Moms.

Not all moms enjoy being Moms. Not all Moms are obsessed with their children. Not all Moms think life with children is better than life without children. Not all Moms think having children is worth it.

Some Moms hate being Moms. Some Moms crave balance in their lives, rather than spending 24/7 with their children. Some Moms love life before having children more than life after having children. Some Moms even regret having children.

Now before anyone starts feeling sorry for these Moms or being judgmental towards them, I want to point out that just because the aforementioned mothers may have these particular feelings about their children, does not automatically make them a bad Mom. In fact, I think it is especially amazing to see these Moms continue to pour out and sacrifice so much for their children, despite how they feel on the inside.

To these Moms, I see you. I get you. I’m right there with you.

I was sitting with my therapist last week, describing to her an encounter I had with another Mom recently, who stopped speaking to me as soon as I mentioned that I hate being a Mom. Sure, she probably didn’t know what to say. Sure, she probably felt uncomfortable. Whatever the reason, the fact of the matter is she immediately stopped talking to me, and that bothered me, especially since this was not the first time this has happened to me.

But my therapist helped me rethink what I had said, and made me realize that what I hate isn’t necessarily being a Mom as a whole, but is rather many aspects of being a Mom.

She was right.

So not that I owe this explanation to anyone, but this is what I really mean when I say I hate being a Mom:

I hated that my life changed so drastically after having twins.

I hated having to deal with alarmingly high blood pressure right after they were born.

I hated being majorly sleep-deprived when they were newborns.

I hated dealing with continuous blowouts and spit-up.

I hated getting clogged ducts in my breasts throughout the entire year I was pumping.

I hated that I couldn’t walk or stand for more than 10 minutes due to my 2-inch diastasis.

I hated and still hate being left out because “she probably can’t make it because of her twins.”

I hated and still hate being with them 24/7 because I need adult things and to feel productive.

I hated and still hate missing out on fun things because of not being able to find a sitter.

I hated and still hate feeding them because they’re so indecisive and picky.

I hated and still hate dealing with screaming/crying/whining.

And most-recently, I hate potty-training which has included cleaning up pee/poo all over my house, getting pooped on, and catching poo with my bare hands.

So there you have it, all the reasons I can currently think of regarding why I hate being a Mom, and I am still not at a point where I think having kids is worth it.

And maybe this is the most confusing part of it all, for me and for others, that despite all the things I hate about being a Mom, I still and will always immensely love and fiercely protect my children. Throughout the first 16 months of their lives, I thought that if I hated so many things about being a Mom, it must mean I hate my children. But after just a few therapy sessions, I learned that I can and will have a wide range of feelings toward my children throughout motherhood, and that it is NORMAL and doesn’t mean I don’t love them.

So to you Moms who are in the same boat as I am, I understand you and have so much respect for you.

To the ones who may not understand these Moms who are in the same situation as I am, have a little compassion, learn a little about our situation, and give us a little encouragement. We all need it, and turning away from us only makes us feel more ostracized and alone.

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  1. Nydia Lopez says:

    My dear sister, it is hard been a Mom but I can tell you all the sacrifices is worth it when you will see them turn into a beautiful young woman and honorable man. I just decided to remember the good and forget the hard times. And always definitely turning to the Lord. The Lord definitely use my kids to expose me, to let me see how much I need Him.

  2. Chelsea Azzarello says:

    Tiff, I admire you! I realize I don’t have the same experience as you, but I also am impressed at what a wonderful mom you are! So yes, I may enjoy being a mom, but I also respect and love you and your openness…mom life is HARD, limiting, life-changing and all the other items you mentioned. When we got to visit you in December I have a vivid memory of how amazing you are as a mom, how you teach your kids, how you handled your home, how you were so dialed into them, I really learned from watching you mom! Thanks for being real! Love you and your family

  3. Hannah D says:

    Yesssssssssss. I hear ya! I can’t believe someone actually stopped talking to you when you said you hate being a mom! How rude.

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Pondering thoughts, personal life experiences, things I love, mental health, marriage life, and everything in between.



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Everything from my birth story to postpartum anxiety and depression, from c-section recovery to mom guilt and judgment. Prepare for raw and emotional posts!


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Gleanings from books I've read and podcasts I've been impressed with, with the occasional children's book recommendations!


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DIY project tutorials from six years of projects in my home! Very much a work in progress, migrating tutorials from my Instagram page to my blog!


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