“How are you enjoying motherhood?”

Ah. One of my favorite questions that pretty much every first-time mother gets asked at some point. I love this question because I love watching people’s expressions when I respond with the following:

“It sucks and I hate it.”

Whether it is someone who has children or not, the expressions from male or female are mostly the same: shock and uncomfortable laughter.

On rare occasions, I get an excited response of, “That is so refreshing to hear!”

But I think there is a fundamental problem here.

The shock and uncomfortable laughter that results from an answer like mine tells me that people generally expect all mothers to be happy and enjoy being a mom.

This is what society projects, and when you express that your experience does not match this, many people don’t know how to respond.

I’ve experienced that when someone responds in a shocked way to my not enjoying motherhood, it automatically makes me feel like something is wrong with me because I’m not enjoying it like society says I should.

When someone doesn’t know what to say or stops talking to me altogether because I am not enjoying motherhood, there’s a subconscious pressure to try to make myself enjoy it and when I don’t, I feel like a terrible mother.

But seriously.

Do people really expect moms to enjoy constant screaming, crying, whining, and clinginess while babies are teething, for example?

Do people really expect moms to enjoy the most intense levels of sleep deprivation ever experienced?

Do people really expect moms to enjoy having cracked/bleeding nipples, clogged ducts, or a painful infection from breastfeeding?

Do people really expect moms to enjoy watching their kids not eat but rather throw food that was so carefully prepared, all over the ground?

Do people really expect moms to enjoy cleaning babies’ poop explosions out of carpets/clothing/carseats/you-name-it?

Why do people always ask how us moms are enjoying motherhood anyway? What is even the point of the question? I’ve never minded people asking me anything they’d like to know, but what are they hoping to achieve with the responses they receive?

If they are ready to provide empathy and support with this particular question, then by all means ask away. If not, however, then maybe don’t ask, because my answer will likely range from “it sucks” to “I hate it” and I don’t need to feel even more like a terrible mother than I already do.