Giving birth has always been my biggest fear in life.

“Those things are gonna come out of my hoo-ha? No thank you.”

As you can imagine, giving birth to twins means double the complications. My wonderful OB whom I love dearly, gave me no pressure between deciding if I wanted to have a natural birth or scheduling a C-section.

Both were terrible options in my mind.

The main nightmare I wanted to avoid, however, was giving birth to one baby naturally and then still needing a C-section for the second one. Those 2 fools were flipping upside-down and right-side up the entire pregnancy, all the way up to the morning of delivery.

There was the possibility that due to the amount of space left in my uterus after the first baby was born, the second would not be in the right position for a natural delivery. For me, the risk of still needing a C-section after going through labor and delivering the first baby naturally was too high for me to bear. As a result, we scheduled a C-section for the 38th week, April 11, 2017.

The morning of my C-section, I was a nervous wreck. So much so that I drove my own blood pressure through the roof. (My blood pressure was completely stable and normal throughout pregnancy.) I had never been hospitalized in my life and I had never had an operation before. I was FREAKING OUT.

I got to the hospital, changed into a hospital gown, put on a shower cap, and a nurse wiped me down from head to toe with some sanitizing wipe thing. Then I got poked and prodded by another nurse trying to insert an IV into my dried up veins because I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything for 12 hours. That was fun. Really fun.

Now let’s talk a bit about what most people don’t know about C-sections.

First of all, you go into the operation room ALONE to get prepped. Your significant other/support person does not get to go in until everything is ready for the operation. So I waddled into the cold operation room alone and sat on the operation table, literally shaking in fear.

The nurses tried to calm me as they asked me to slightly bend over so they could give me a spinal block (aka insert a needle into my spine to numb me from the waist down). That was surprisingly pretty painless. (It hurt less than when they inserted my IV.)

Then they asked me to lie down as they strapped my arms down (I can’t remember if they strapped my legs down too but they probably did). Talk about feeling COMPLETELY out of control and being at the mercy of the medical staff.

The anesthesiologist then explained how I might feel as my body got accustomed to the anesthesia. He was so sweet and comforting and made me feel safe. He sat beside my head during the entire operation.

My husband was then let into the operation room, and either my OB or one of the nurses asked, “Can you feel this?” I assume she was probably pinching the heck out of me or something but I couldn’t feel a thing. I believe they inserted a catheter next and then the operation began.

Everything went smoothly during the operation; baby girl came first (I did a celebratory dance in my head), followed by baby boy 1 minute later. I got to see them soon after, once the nurses did their measurements, gave them a quick wipe-down (I think newborn slimy babies are gross), wrapped them up, and put hats on their tiny heads.

5 pounds 11 ounces and 5 pounds 12 ounces later, my OB sewed me up, the whole operation taking about an hour or so.

People asked me how I felt once the twins were born and if I cried. I don’t think I cried at that moment but if I did, it was probably more of a “OH NO IT HAS BEGUN.” When I look back at photos from that day, however, I definitely tear up. These tears do not flow because the twins feel so precious to me though, but they flow because I remember how terrified I was that day yet I somehow made it through.